I recently heard a quote at the beginning of an audiobook I was listening to, and it really struck me. Not just as a lover of stories but as someone who tries to record them, as a keeper of words. The line is as follows:
“What we, or at any rate what I, refer to confidently as memory–meaning a moment, a scene, a fact that has been subjected to a fixative and thereby rescued from oblivion–is really a form of storytelling that goes on continually in the mind and often changes with the telling. Too many conflicting emotional interests are involved for life ever to be wholly acceptable, and possibly it is the work of the storyteller to rearrange things so that they conform to this end. In any case, in talking about the past we lie with every breath we draw.”
― William Maxwell, So Long, See You Tomorrow
As well as helping others write their stories, in the spirit of practising what I preach, I’ve been trying to write my own too. Maxwell’s idea that memory isn’t as solid as we think but more of a living entity influenced by our emotions, experiences and biases is fascinating and really resonates with me. In writing and recording my story, I’ve noticed that my own memories are far from fixed. In fact, every time I revisit an old story, it seems to change, as if revealing another side of itself that I hadn’t seen before.
The Beauty of Memory as a Living Story
It can be unsettling to think of memory being so fluid, especially if you believe that memories are like photographs – a quick snapshot you can pull out whenever you want. But in reality, memory is much more like a watercolour painting than a photo. It blurs and blends with time, influenced by the emotions we add to it. The version of a memory you have now might look different than it did a few years ago and likely different still from how you’ll see it in a few years to come.
This has been both fascinating and slightly humbling as I’ve worked through my own life story. When I put a memory down on paper, I find myself questioning: Was that really how it happened? Or is that just how I feel about it now? I’ll call a family member or a friend and ask what they remember about an event, and their memory will differ in some small or even significant way from mine. But these discrepancies don’t bother me; instead, they reveal the beauty of how memory works. My memory isn’t right or wrong, nor is theirs. It’s simply mine – and it’s mine to tell.
Why Writing Your Life Story is So Important
The nature of memory doesn’t make it any less worthy of recording; in fact, it makes the act of storytelling even more valuable. Today’s version of a memory is unique. It’s a perspective that only exists in this very moment, shaped by all the things that make you who you are right now. Writing it down captures this perspective—the emotions, the meaning, the current understanding—before it evolves into something else.
Storytelling is a way to write a message to your future self or loved ones about how you see things today, preserving this moment in time as much as possible. And while it may shift, the version of the story you tell today is true to you right now, and that’s enough. There’s a certain freedom in realising that there’s no “perfect” or “final” version of a story, only the one that feels true for you today.
Practical Tips for Writing Your Life Story
The good news is that you don’t need flawless recall or perfect clarity on every detail to tell your life story. Here are a few simple tips that can help you start capturing your life in a way that feels meaningful, even if memories are messy or imperfect:
- Start Small: You don’t have to start with your life’s biggest moments. Choose something small—maybe a favourite childhood memory, a family tradition, or a turning point in your career. These small stories have as much power as the “big” moments, and they’ll help ease you into the process without feeling overwhelmed.
- Embrace Different Perspectives: If you have people in your life who share the events you remember, it’s interesting to hear how they remember them. Don’t worry if their stories differ from yours; let these multiple perspectives coexist. Sometimes, these differences help us appreciate the complexity and richness of life itself.
- Let Your Story Evolve: Don’t be afraid to revisit memories over time. What might feel like a simple event today may reveal new insights or meaning later. Allow your storytelling to be a journey, letting each story evolve naturally as you gain fresh perspectives.
Why Wait? Start Telling Your Life Story Today
If there’s one thing I hope you take from Maxwell’s quote and my experience, it’s this: Your memory, even with all its quirks and changes, is beautiful and valuable. There’s no better time than right now to begin putting your memories down on paper. The story you tell today is real, even if it’s different from the one you may tell tomorrow. And that’s precisely why it’s worth telling.
So, if you’re ready, grab a notebook or open up a blank document and write the story that’s in your heart right now. Don’t worry if it’s messy, or imperfect, or even a little blurry around the edges. And, if you need some help and guidance along the way, you’re in the right place – I’d be honoured to help you through the process and create a lasting record of your life story that can be treasured for years to come.